She posted this on OF
"hii..

time to be honest
i couldn't post for a while.. at some point i wasn't sure if i was gonna come back at all tbh, still doubting and overthinking if i can actually continue as i used to and keep going like this..
some of u noticed i quietly took some stuff down. i didn't say anything bcause i didn't know what to say.. i still don't rly, i'm sorry, i'm just letting the words out. but i feel like i at least owe you some explamation and not just disappear fully.. leaving worried those who actually care
i got some mean comments in my dms after my last post.. it retriggered a lot of stuff that i thought i'm successfully healing from, and now once again i couldn't stop but look at my door every little second. i just wanted to run away and hide somewhere where no one could find me ever
n i know.. i know what people will say. "u signed up for this. this is the internet. just block n move on." oh i've heard it all in my head already, trust me..
but the thing is.. some of u know my story. some of u were here when i talkedd about why i developed my anxiety in the first place... that feeling of being watched. i worked so hard to feel safe again. n then one comment n im again sitting in my room scared to open the curtains for sunlight to come in
n the other ones.. the ones saying im fake.. pathetic.. saying the shy thing is an act.. that hit a diff place tbh. bcuz i already ask myself every single day if im enough.. if im doing this right.. if i belong here at all?? n then someone says it out loud n it's like.. oh. so it WAS true. and basically the voice in my head was right all along
i think people forget sometimes.. im still a person. not a plastic doll. not an ai. not a made up anime character or smth. when u say something mean... it crashes me inside. and i'm pretty sure so many girls on here r dealing with the same.. n we just absorb it n keep going n smile in the next post and i'm genuinely just tired to deal with it, idk if i can
i don't know what im doing rn honestly.. am i trying to callout those who treat people like this? but fr if you do, please just unsub, why you even here if you don't like me?..
anyway i cleaned almost half of my page cause i couldn't look at it anymore. i want to clean more, but i just don't have enough powers yet, i haven't been able to film, i had to physically move somewhere else. thor kept nudging me to get up n i kept telling him in a min.. n then a min becomes hours..hrs turn into days
i feel like i want to stay, but i truly don't knpw if i will. and i wanted to be honest with u about that
the ones of you who have been always kind to me.. who actually see and support me, ty

i love you
i almost feel like i owe at least all of you to stay, lock in and keep going
but idk what im gonna do yet. but i just needed to say and be honest with you before i went quiet again..

hope you all doing alright though, thanks for reading it fully if you did"