In my last year of high school I was 18 (keep that in mind before you judge me) and I had a classmate who was 21, all sweet and girlish. We were both virgins.
She was dating a guy from another class. He wanted to get her into bed at all costs, she was scared/uneasy/disgusted by sex (her words) and didn't feel ready, because as a kid she'd been abused by an uncle, and she said she was in therapy to "get used to it", meaning sex.
She and her boyfriend fought every week. He even hit her and she'd show up to class with a bruised arm. I took her in, was affectionate and all that. We were getting close as buddies, I was a total virgin and I started falling for her.
Until I got bold and stole a little kiss from her in class after she admitted she was into me. She liked it and we started hooking up (it was my first kiss). Meanwhile she was cheating on the guy. I was crazy about her, I started trying to convince her to break up with the guy, who by the way found out about the cheating. We kept hooking up until I convinced her to end it. I had no idea what the future would look like, but I was willing to give up sex for her, at least for a while. I waited a few weeks to ask her to be my girlfriend, to let her get over it. Meanwhile we only kissed and nothing more.
She and the ex didn't cut contact, they kept talking "as friends" with my consent. I allowed anything she asked just to be with her.
A few weeks passed after I asked her out. She got weird over time, it was clear she wanted to go back to him. Until one day she came up and said that until she sorted that situation out, we couldn't be together, and she broke up with me, and we'd stay friends.
The next day she showed up making out with the other guy. Our little group was heading out for break, he appeared from behind, pulled her by the hand and took her to another classroom to make out. I made the mistake of going to look through the crack in the door to be sure they were making out, to be sure I'd lost her. (They really were making out, but no sex.)
One day the group of friends is hanging in the classroom and she comes in alone. One of the friends starts whispering a little joke I didn't hear, but as I remember it was something about her "being a young woman now". She slapped that friend of ours right away. That group of friends hid a lot from me, they probably knew she'd lost her virginity and forbade themselves from telling me so I wouldn't feel bad. I realized what was going on, stared at nothing and went into shock. Later at a party, a friend of hers said she didn't feel comfortable with sex and so on, and she said "I had that problem with what's-his-name too, but in the end we sorted it out and everything worked out." I went into shock again. She started making sexual jokes around the group of friends, a friend of ours questioned it since she was so proper and innocent-looking, and she said "ah, you have to get used to it because of him, right?"
She probably didn't want to, but I'm almost sure she gave it up to him to "make up for the cheating". I couldn't believe what had happened. I thought: that guy stole my girlfriend and probably took her virginity, and to this day I haven't confirmed it. I dropped some hints back then to see if anyone knew, but nobody told me anything or they played dumb. Just like I wanted to confirm they were making out in the classroom that day, I wanted to confirm she was having sex. After that, when we graduated and finished the school year, he dumped her. Probably he just wanted to fuck her and toss her. We haven't had contact since the school year ended and later I decided to cut contact with her, but until then I had to share a classroom with her and watch the two of them making out during break in the hallways.
I had a very distorted image of her, to me she was a sweet little saintly girl who was averse to sex. Until the day she asked me for help recovering an email from 2019, I helped recover it and ended up looking at her history full of porn.
To this day I jerk off imagining him taking her virginity to make up for the cheating. I imagine him wrecking her in bed every way possible. Her, submissive, not wanting to have sex, but deciding to give it to him to keep the relationship. Even so she got dumped as soon as the year ended. Later I started masturbating to close-up penetration videos with her photo next to it, imagining it was him fucking her. Then I found a porn actress identical to her and watched videos of guys with huge cocks fucking her. It kept developing, I started carrying the same fantasy over to other friends and hookups. What ChatGPT and my searches told me was that the brain takes the trauma and makes you feel pleasure to relieve the trauma.